Friday, July 27, 2012

181. Bags for Life. Fuck off with them. You charge me more for them, and they clearly use more plastic to make, and you know fine well that I, and most other people, don't re-use them.
182. Wonga.com. All you are doing is legalised loan sharking. You are taking advantage of people who are in awful financial circumstances and increasing their debts still further. 4214% as an interest rate is nothing short of extortion, and the sooner the FSA closes you and your ilk down, or at least forces you to behave responsibly, the better.
183. Inappropriate children's clothing. If you are a parent letting your 9 year old daughter run around with a pair of jogging bottoms that say "hot stuff" on the arse of them, then you need to be spoken to by social services and probably your children taken away from you. If you are a manufacturer of thongs for 6 six year olds, then you need to be arrested and put in prison, even if there is no specific offence in law that you have broken.
184. Country & Western music. It is bloody awful. Songs about how your mother died and your wife left you, or how your cat ran off with your cousin Ezekial, are nothing other than mind numbingly tedious. I will allow you Jonny Cash's music as OK, but that's your lot.
185. Sunday Licencing and/or Trading Hours. I know the arguments against it, in terms of forcing people to work on Sundays. Here's how it could work... ready...? Let pubs and shops open what hours they wish to, day or night, as long as nobody is contractually forced to work a Sunday. This would let people choose their own work hours or to work on a Sunday if they wished to. If you are the sort that wants to stand outside a pub on a Sunday and protest it being open because it is the "Lords Day", then you can just fuck right off.
186. Street Preachers (Manic, yes, but not the band). If you are going to stand on street corners shouting the "word of god" at me, then you won't object if I also avail myself of the same right, and preach the "word of satan" while standing right next to  you, or indeed "the word of the atheist". It's not anything good that you are doing, it just makes you look like a unstable nutjob, and it attracts absolutely nobody to your religion.
187. Businesses pretending to be religions. I am looking at you, the Church of England and the Catholic Church. See all that money, property and investments that you have ? How about getting rid of it all by giving it to the poor, like your religion says you are supposed to. Why does the Church of England own the Arndale Centre in Manchester (one of the biggest shopping centres in the UK) when it could be using that money to feed starving children. No religion needs wealth beyond the sum it needs to ensure it can function logistically. It certainly doesn't need accumulated wealth, you fucking hypocrites.
188. Robert Mugabe. You are a completely and utterly, contemptible specimen of humanity. You are totally corrupt and a mass murderer, who has no place on the world stage, or indeed outside of the prison cell you should be in for the rest of your natural life. Indeed, even life in prison would be too good for you.
189. YouTube Channels by random nobodies. Nobody gives a shit what your interests are, Dave in Essex. Why do you think people would want to subscribe to your channel and you keep begging them to do so, when as far as I can tell, all you do is DJ in your bedroom and keep tropical fish. That thing that Andy Warhol said about everyone having their 15 minutes of fame is untrue. Some people need the internet removed from them.
190. Women complaining about men staring at their boobs. If you are a 38DD and you are walking around in a blouse that is nearly unbuttoned to your navel, then what exactly were you expecting ? You and I both know that you actually dressed that way in order to put your tits on display, despite all the noises you are making about those terrible men looking at them. If I were walking round with my cock out and then complaining when you looked at it, would that be reasonable ?
191. Garden Centres and DIY Warehouses in 'out of town' locations. You are not far enough out of town. What you manage to do is encourage all those sad wankers who like to tile the bathroom or plant rosebushes on a Sunday, to clog up all the ring roads with their cars, thereby preventing normal people from getting to their intended destinations. Please move your premises to somewhere far away, that is only accessible by B-roads and is nowhere near the rest of humanity.
192. Fake Tobacco from China. I appreciate the effort you Chinese people have gone to, in order to make your Golden Virginia packets look as close to the real thing as possible. The packaging is very authentic looking, right down to the hologram sticker; truly you have done a good job.What I don't appreciate however, is the shredded bark you put in the packets, in the place of tobacco. Thankfully, one of the suppliers of this tobacco in my local community has also taken objection to you ripping him off, and through his "connections" is currently working back through the chain to the source. I wish you well for your recovery during your hospital stay.
193. Inkjet Printer Ink. OK, I understand the sales model. You sell me an inkjet printer for a very cheap and reasonable £30 and then you  make a killing on the ink cartridges when they run out every 100 pages I print. This does not make it an acceptable way to do business. Would you feel it was OK, if you bought a pair of shoes for £40 but then had to spend another £40 every two months putting new soles on them ? Either increase the prices of your printers and reduce the price of your ink, or make the ink cartridges easily refillable without me having to use poor quality, third party inks.
194. BT Public Telephones. I appreciate there is not much need for them these days, and they are on the decline. I also appreciate that some people seem to see them as public urinals. However, that does not mean that you should suddenly chop the bottom third of the glass off them so that wind and rain can howl up my trousers and passing dogs can take a piss on my ankle while I am trying to make a call. Please put phones in proper phoneboxes again.
195. Investment Bankers. If you grease the palms of politicians in order to get them to de-regulate you, and then you see that as an opportunity to use my money to gamble and then lose it, you can expect me to be pissed off about it. I don't give a shit if you leave and go to America because nobody will pay you a bonus anymore. Boo-hoo. Just go. There will be one less greedy wanker in the UK with every one of you that leaves.
196. MPG ratings for new cars. I have only recently discovered how and what the tests are that are carried out that allow car manufacturers to publish mpg figures for new cars. The tests are so totally unrealistic, that you can reasonably expect not to get anywhere within 25% of their published mileage figures. Why don't you publish real world tests, with real world figures, you deceitful bastards. 
197. Grayson Perry. You look completely and utterly ludicrous. So appalling in fact, that it is impossible to take anything you say about art seriously, which is a shame. I am not normally one to comment on peoples appearance, but trying to listen to you while you look like my Grandad in an technicolour Alice in Wonderland dress, is just impossible. Please, if you are going to crossdress, exercise some taste.
198. Health & Safety (gone mad). I appreciate the legislation is intended to try and safeguard people in the workplace. Stopping me putting up a Xmas tree in the office in case I fall off a desk or chair while doing it, is just ridiculous. Guess what, if I have fallen off something through my own stupidity, it is my own fault.
199. Political Correctness (gone mad). And here we must be careful. Often when people are saying "it's political correctness gone mad..." they are trying to justify a sentence like "I can't say Paki shop anymore, it's political correctness gone mad". No, that's just you being racist, it's nothing to do with political correctness. However, when councils start saying you can't say something like "manhole cover" anymore and it has to be "personhole cover", then that is indeed political correctness gone mad.
200. Golf. Allegedly a sport. It appears to me however, to just be an excuse for middle class people to wear revolting jumpers, hit little white balls with sticks and for those same people to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to impress each other with boring stories about their work lives, how much money they earn, and how pleased they are with their new Lexus.



2 comments:

  1. I use bags for life and don't help fill landfills with something that takes 800 years to decay and even then still exists in a nasty particle form, due to the huge amount of these that end up in the sea the fish we eat are actual full of plastic although in tiny pieces.

    The real answer to this and why can't the other supermarkets follow, the co-op give you carrier bags which decay (to compost level) within a few weeks... Now if they are all truely interested in the enviroment surely this is what they should all be doing?

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  2. There must be plenty to rant about now. If the current state of affairs has any positives it’s the wealth of rant material. :)

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