181. Bags for Life. Fuck off with them. You charge me more for them, and they clearly use more plastic to make, and you know fine well that I, and most other people, don't re-use them.
182. Wonga.com. All you are doing is legalised loan sharking. You are taking advantage of people who are in awful financial circumstances and increasing their debts still further. 4214% as an interest rate is nothing short of extortion, and the sooner the FSA closes you and your ilk down, or at least forces you to behave responsibly, the better.
183. Inappropriate children's clothing. If you are a parent letting your 9 year old daughter run around with a pair of jogging bottoms that say "hot stuff" on the arse of them, then you need to be spoken to by social services and probably your children taken away from you. If you are a manufacturer of thongs for 6 six year olds, then you need to be arrested and put in prison, even if there is no specific offence in law that you have broken.
184. Country & Western music. It is bloody awful. Songs about how your mother died and your wife left you, or how your cat ran off with your cousin Ezekial, are nothing other than mind numbingly tedious. I will allow you Jonny Cash's music as OK, but that's your lot.
185. Sunday Licencing and/or Trading Hours. I know the arguments against it, in terms of forcing people to work on Sundays. Here's how it could work... ready...? Let pubs and shops open what hours they wish to, day or night, as long as nobody is contractually forced to work a Sunday. This would let people choose their own work hours or to work on a Sunday if they wished to. If you are the sort that wants to stand outside a pub on a Sunday and protest it being open because it is the "Lords Day", then you can just fuck right off.
186. Street Preachers (Manic, yes, but not the band). If you are going to stand on street corners shouting the "word of god" at me, then you won't object if I also avail myself of the same right, and preach the "word of satan" while standing right next to you, or indeed "the word of the atheist". It's not anything good that you are doing, it just makes you look like a unstable nutjob, and it attracts absolutely nobody to your religion.
187. Businesses pretending to be religions. I am looking at you, the Church of England and the Catholic Church. See all that money, property and investments that you have ? How about getting rid of it all by giving it to the poor, like your religion says you are supposed to. Why does the Church of England own the Arndale Centre in Manchester (one of the biggest shopping centres in the UK) when it could be using that money to feed starving children. No religion needs wealth beyond the sum it needs to ensure it can function logistically. It certainly doesn't need accumulated wealth, you fucking hypocrites.
188. Robert Mugabe. You are a completely and utterly, contemptible specimen of humanity. You are totally corrupt and a mass murderer, who has no place on the world stage, or indeed outside of the prison cell you should be in for the rest of your natural life. Indeed, even life in prison would be too good for you.
189. YouTube Channels by random nobodies. Nobody gives a shit what your interests are, Dave in Essex. Why do you think people would want to subscribe to your channel and you keep begging them to do so, when as far as I can tell, all you do is DJ in your bedroom and keep tropical fish. That thing that Andy Warhol said about everyone having their 15 minutes of fame is untrue. Some people need the internet removed from them.
190. Women complaining about men staring at their boobs. If you are a 38DD and you are walking around in a blouse that is nearly unbuttoned to your navel, then what exactly were you expecting ? You and I both know that you actually dressed that way in order to put your tits on display, despite all the noises you are making about those terrible men looking at them. If I were walking round with my cock out and then complaining when you looked at it, would that be reasonable ?
191. Garden Centres and DIY Warehouses in 'out of town' locations. You are not far enough out of town. What you manage to do is encourage all those sad wankers who like to tile the bathroom or plant rosebushes on a Sunday, to clog up all the ring roads with their cars, thereby preventing normal people from getting to their intended destinations. Please move your premises to somewhere far away, that is only accessible by B-roads and is nowhere near the rest of humanity.
192. Fake Tobacco from China. I appreciate the effort you Chinese people have gone to, in order to make your Golden Virginia packets look as close to the real thing as possible. The packaging is very authentic looking, right down to the hologram sticker; truly you have done a good job.What I don't appreciate however, is the shredded bark you put in the packets, in the place of tobacco. Thankfully, one of the suppliers of this tobacco in my local community has also taken objection to you ripping him off, and through his "connections" is currently working back through the chain to the source. I wish you well for your recovery during your hospital stay.
193. Inkjet Printer Ink. OK, I understand the sales model. You sell me an inkjet printer for a very cheap and reasonable £30 and then you make a killing on the ink cartridges when they run out every 100 pages I print. This does not make it an acceptable way to do business. Would you feel it was OK, if you bought a pair of shoes for £40 but then had to spend another £40 every two months putting new soles on them ? Either increase the prices of your printers and reduce the price of your ink, or make the ink cartridges easily refillable without me having to use poor quality, third party inks.
194. BT Public Telephones. I appreciate there is not much need for them these days, and they are on the decline. I also appreciate that some people seem to see them as public urinals. However, that does not mean that you should suddenly chop the bottom third of the glass off them so that wind and rain can howl up my trousers and passing dogs can take a piss on my ankle while I am trying to make a call. Please put phones in proper phoneboxes again.
195. Investment Bankers. If you grease the palms of politicians in order to get them to de-regulate you, and then you see that as an opportunity to use my money to gamble and then lose it, you can expect me to be pissed off about it. I don't give a shit if you leave and go to America because nobody will pay you a bonus anymore. Boo-hoo. Just go. There will be one less greedy wanker in the UK with every one of you that leaves.
196. MPG ratings for new cars. I have only recently discovered how and what the tests are that are carried out that allow car manufacturers to publish mpg figures for new cars. The tests are so totally unrealistic, that you can reasonably expect not to get anywhere within 25% of their published mileage figures. Why don't you publish real world tests, with real world figures, you deceitful bastards.
197. Grayson Perry. You look completely and utterly ludicrous. So appalling in fact, that it is impossible to take anything you say about art seriously, which is a shame. I am not normally one to comment on peoples appearance, but trying to listen to you while you look like my Grandad in an technicolour Alice in Wonderland dress, is just impossible. Please, if you are going to crossdress, exercise some taste.
198. Health & Safety (gone mad). I appreciate the legislation is intended to try and safeguard people in the workplace. Stopping me putting up a Xmas tree in the office in case I fall off a desk or chair while doing it, is just ridiculous. Guess what, if I have fallen off something through my own stupidity, it is my own fault.
199. Political Correctness (gone mad). And here we must be careful. Often when people are saying "it's political correctness gone mad..." they are trying to justify a sentence like "I can't say Paki shop anymore, it's political correctness gone mad". No, that's just you being racist, it's nothing to do with political correctness. However, when councils start saying you can't say something like "manhole cover" anymore and it has to be "personhole cover", then that is indeed political correctness gone mad.
200. Golf. Allegedly a sport. It appears to me however, to just be an excuse for middle class people to wear revolting jumpers, hit little white balls with sticks and for those same people to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to impress each other with boring stories about their work lives, how much money they earn, and how pleased they are with their new Lexus.
Friday, July 27, 2012
161. 50 Cent. A white kid called Marshall Mathers promoted you, and made you what you are. Stop pretending you are a self-made badass, that worked your way out of the ghetto.
162. Scientology. This is not a religion. It is a pile of crap, made up by a third rate sci-fi author. The fact that Tom Cruise and John Travolta follow it, doesn't increase its credibility.
163. Shopping with women. I do not want to spend my entire Saturday watching you try on 50 black skirts, only for you to tell me none of them are quite right. You do your shopping on your own, I will do my shopping on my own, and we will take it in turns to do the grocery shopping.
164. Jedward. Quite possibly the most persuasive argument for involuntary euthenasia I have ever seen
165. Small children running around in pubs. Get a fucking babysitter, I am trying to have a pint in peace.
166. "Ultimate" products. If this is a box of Arial Ultimate washing powder, then by definition, there can't ever be a better one, can there ?
167. The price of prams/pushchairs. Let me get this straight, you want me to pay £500 for some bent, metal tubing and some plastic. You are deliberately taking advantage of parents emotions regarding their newborn offspring, and you bloody well know it.
168. Tesco's Value Teabags. Contain no tea, and instead contain carpet fluff and sawdust, if my taste buds are any judge of it.
169. Kwik-Fit. The day you ever tell a customer the actual truth about the state of their tyres, exhausts or what is really wrong with their car, will be the first.
170. Halfords. If, when fitting a car stereo, I wanted my dashboard dismantled, holes drilled through the bulkhead and you using scotch-locks to splice wires, instead of running new cables, I could have made a bollocks of it myself, instead of paying you to do an allegedly "professional fitting".
171. Wedding dress makers. I appreciate it is a brides big day, and that you are creating for her the only wedding dress she will ever need, but both you and I know, it is still made from a pattern, by a Vietnamese seamstress that you know, who runs it up for a total cost of £200 including materials and labour, and you then sell it to the bride for £2k. Look up the words "greedy, opportunistic bitch" and see how they might apply to you.
172. People who won't turn mobile phones off on planes. Look, both you and I believe that leaving it on makes no difference at all to the instruments on the plane. However, the fact that you have been asked to turn it off, as part of the safety procedures, should be enough. Turning it back on after the stewardess has walked past, tells me that you have zero regard for my safety, and is likely to make me take the phone off you, and shove it up your arse.
173. People who turn up for job interviews in jeans. I wear jeans myself, but not for job interviews. Turning up for an interview wearing jeans and a t-shirt, tells me you have no respect for other people and do not regard an interview as a formal event that you should make an effort for. I don't expect you to wear a tie necessarily, but the least you can do, is to turn up looking smart, and like somebody that we could let talk to our customers without them thinking we were employing bums off the streets.
174. Single sex schools. If you want a repressed, sexually confused, and socially inept deviant, who is only comfortable when he/she is alone in their bedroom and watching gay porn on the internet, then single sex schools are the place for you to send your kids.
175. Northern Ireland's Government. I am happy that the country has moved on to where it is now. This is definitely an improvement. However, the fact that the country is governed by people who are terrorists, even though they are now ex-terrorists (allegedly) does not sit well with me. And I mean terrorists from both sides of the community - nationalist and loyalist.
176. Kilts. I don't care how practical they are, or what purpose you think they serve, they still look like a skirt to me. Also, bad news for you Scots, I discovered the other week, while watching QI on the TV, that they were designed and invented by the English !
177. People who wear fake, designer goods. I can tell by looking at it, that it's a knockoff. Furthermore, I can tell by looking at you, that you are not the sort of person that would be spending a grand on a Prada handbag. So why bother ? All you do, is make yourself look like an arse.
178. Subwoofers in cars. I appreciate that you love your "boss toons" and that you regard any speaker system than cannot dissolve your liver with vibration as "for pussies". However, at 4am while lying in bed, I do not need to be shaken out of it, by your vile music, as you drop off your knickerless, "ho" or "biatch" at her parents. There is no need whatsoever, for a 1000 Watt speaker in a car.
179. Car detailers. "Detailing" in this context, actually means people who think it is OK to spend upwards of £300 on cleaners, waxes and polishes to clean their cars with, and then take their cars to "Show n Shine" events, where they all stand around while judges walk round their cars and inspect and judge the cleanliness of them. If you are a person that likes "detailing" and attending "Show n Shine" events, it is very likely that you have OCD and you should see a mental health professional.
180. Hot-tubs on UK patios. Look, we all know that there is not the climate in the UK to have an outdoor hot-tub. If you have one, you are fooling nobody. You are just showing off to your friends how rich you are and no, I don't want to come to your swingers parties and sit in your hot-tub while other peoples semen floats around it.
162. Scientology. This is not a religion. It is a pile of crap, made up by a third rate sci-fi author. The fact that Tom Cruise and John Travolta follow it, doesn't increase its credibility.
163. Shopping with women. I do not want to spend my entire Saturday watching you try on 50 black skirts, only for you to tell me none of them are quite right. You do your shopping on your own, I will do my shopping on my own, and we will take it in turns to do the grocery shopping.
164. Jedward. Quite possibly the most persuasive argument for involuntary euthenasia I have ever seen
165. Small children running around in pubs. Get a fucking babysitter, I am trying to have a pint in peace.
166. "Ultimate" products. If this is a box of Arial Ultimate washing powder, then by definition, there can't ever be a better one, can there ?
167. The price of prams/pushchairs. Let me get this straight, you want me to pay £500 for some bent, metal tubing and some plastic. You are deliberately taking advantage of parents emotions regarding their newborn offspring, and you bloody well know it.
168. Tesco's Value Teabags. Contain no tea, and instead contain carpet fluff and sawdust, if my taste buds are any judge of it.
169. Kwik-Fit. The day you ever tell a customer the actual truth about the state of their tyres, exhausts or what is really wrong with their car, will be the first.
170. Halfords. If, when fitting a car stereo, I wanted my dashboard dismantled, holes drilled through the bulkhead and you using scotch-locks to splice wires, instead of running new cables, I could have made a bollocks of it myself, instead of paying you to do an allegedly "professional fitting".
171. Wedding dress makers. I appreciate it is a brides big day, and that you are creating for her the only wedding dress she will ever need, but both you and I know, it is still made from a pattern, by a Vietnamese seamstress that you know, who runs it up for a total cost of £200 including materials and labour, and you then sell it to the bride for £2k. Look up the words "greedy, opportunistic bitch" and see how they might apply to you.
172. People who won't turn mobile phones off on planes. Look, both you and I believe that leaving it on makes no difference at all to the instruments on the plane. However, the fact that you have been asked to turn it off, as part of the safety procedures, should be enough. Turning it back on after the stewardess has walked past, tells me that you have zero regard for my safety, and is likely to make me take the phone off you, and shove it up your arse.
173. People who turn up for job interviews in jeans. I wear jeans myself, but not for job interviews. Turning up for an interview wearing jeans and a t-shirt, tells me you have no respect for other people and do not regard an interview as a formal event that you should make an effort for. I don't expect you to wear a tie necessarily, but the least you can do, is to turn up looking smart, and like somebody that we could let talk to our customers without them thinking we were employing bums off the streets.
174. Single sex schools. If you want a repressed, sexually confused, and socially inept deviant, who is only comfortable when he/she is alone in their bedroom and watching gay porn on the internet, then single sex schools are the place for you to send your kids.
175. Northern Ireland's Government. I am happy that the country has moved on to where it is now. This is definitely an improvement. However, the fact that the country is governed by people who are terrorists, even though they are now ex-terrorists (allegedly) does not sit well with me. And I mean terrorists from both sides of the community - nationalist and loyalist.
176. Kilts. I don't care how practical they are, or what purpose you think they serve, they still look like a skirt to me. Also, bad news for you Scots, I discovered the other week, while watching QI on the TV, that they were designed and invented by the English !
177. People who wear fake, designer goods. I can tell by looking at it, that it's a knockoff. Furthermore, I can tell by looking at you, that you are not the sort of person that would be spending a grand on a Prada handbag. So why bother ? All you do, is make yourself look like an arse.
178. Subwoofers in cars. I appreciate that you love your "boss toons" and that you regard any speaker system than cannot dissolve your liver with vibration as "for pussies". However, at 4am while lying in bed, I do not need to be shaken out of it, by your vile music, as you drop off your knickerless, "ho" or "biatch" at her parents. There is no need whatsoever, for a 1000 Watt speaker in a car.
179. Car detailers. "Detailing" in this context, actually means people who think it is OK to spend upwards of £300 on cleaners, waxes and polishes to clean their cars with, and then take their cars to "Show n Shine" events, where they all stand around while judges walk round their cars and inspect and judge the cleanliness of them. If you are a person that likes "detailing" and attending "Show n Shine" events, it is very likely that you have OCD and you should see a mental health professional.
180. Hot-tubs on UK patios. Look, we all know that there is not the climate in the UK to have an outdoor hot-tub. If you have one, you are fooling nobody. You are just showing off to your friends how rich you are and no, I don't want to come to your swingers parties and sit in your hot-tub while other peoples semen floats around it.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
141. Tulisa Contostavlos and Paris Hilton. If you don't want videos of you sucking mens cocks, appearing on the internet, then don't be so stupid as to let it be filmed in the first place.
142. Glossy screens on laptops. I appreciate that it makes the colours look richer and deeper when laptops are on display in shops. What it looks like in bright sunlight or strong artificial lighting is a different matter, where it turns into a mirror. As I will never actually be using my laptop in Curry's or PC World, can you please stop fitting glossy screens and go back to the matt ones.
143. American remakes of British TV shows. Top Gear, The Office, Fawlty Towers. You managed to wreck them all. You even removed the Basil Fawlty character from Fawlty Towers for fucks sake. You are cretins and the people that watch these remakes are cretins too.
144. Donald Trump. That wig is fooling nobody. It looks like someone sellotaped a cat to your head. Get a grip.
145. Chris Moyles. You are without doubt one of the funniest men in the universe. But not in a comedic sense. Please also explain the purpose of your sidekick "Comedy Dave". I can only assume that his moniker is some attempt at satire or irony, as he is one of the dullest individuals on the planet.
146. People dressing cats and dogs up in clothes. It's not in the least bit amusing. No, not even the ones with Yoda ears on them. Please stop it.
147. Parents who think their children are unique and special. You just have kids that are the same as everyone else's kids. Get over it.
148. Men drinking WKD. This is not a drink for heterosexual men. Stop standing about drinking it and trying to look cool. You just look effeminate.
149. People riding pushbikes in the dark with no lights on them. It's your own fault if someone runs you over and kills you. Buy some fucking lights.
150. Budweiser (the American one, not the Czech Budvar). A horrendous "beer" that seems to have been brewed from sugar and cat vomit.
151. Gym nutters. I appreciate that you view the rest of us with contempt, that don't "work out" 5 nights a week. This may shock you, but some of us prefer to relax with a book, or go out for meals, or visit the cinema or have friends round for a BBQ etc. and the fact that we don't organise our lives around doing the right amount of "reps" at a certain time of day, and quaffing protein shakes, does not make us lesser human beings.
152. Health Food Shops. I can buy most of the things that you sell that are of any use, at half the price from either supermarkets or online. You serve no useful purpose other than to take money off mugs who think eating 4oz of alfalfa sprouts and taking a dose of St. Johns Wort every day, is going to make them live till they are 105.
153. Glastonbury Festival. What happened to you ? You used to be a place of great music and a free and easy atmosphere where people could chill out with their fellow human beings and regain their faith in man's ability to be nice to each other. Now you are all fences and security and shit music and drunken fights.
154. American gun culture. I understand that the American constitution gives you the right to bear arms. This does not translate into the right to buy an AK47 and gun down your neighbours because you had a bad day. The Canadians manage to have similar gun laws and yet not kill each other, can you please follow their example. A more sane view might even be to ask the question why civilians need to be armed with guns at all.
155. People who mug old ladies. Yes, you have no money, I understand you have no opportunity, I appreciate that you grew up in a dysfunctional family. Hitting old ladies over the head and taking their pensions however, should result in you being given a term in prison and not a community service order or suspended sentence.
156. People who swim with sharks. It's your own fault if you get eaten. I have not an ounce of sympathy. If we were meant to be in the water with dangerous creatures we would have gills and fins and not legs and lungs. Don't go round shooting the sharks if they have been eating people. Tell the stupid fuckers who are swimming with sharks, to get out of the water, or if they choose to stay and then get eaten, then it's just tough shit.
157. Women with cold feet and arse's. I can only presume you refrigerate your extremities before climbing into bed. That is the only rational explanation for the temperature of some of your body parts in a normally warm house. Failing that, go and see the Doctor and get your circulation checked. Whatever the cause, the answer is not trying to raise the temperature of your sub-zero body parts, by putting them on my naked spine.
158. Airport car park charges. Go out on a morning flight and come back on an evening one on the same day and if you are expecting the car park fees to be reasonable, even in the short stay car park for just one day, then prepare to faint. Nearly £40 for one day in the short stay ? I did not realise I was paying for someone to stand by my car and guard it all day. Bloody ridiculous prices.
159. Dappy from N-Dubz (thank you Michael) This person is of direct simian descent as far as I can tell. His inability to speak in coherent English, and his height and physical form would lead me to believe he may even be the missing link. As an allegory, he and his band are about as much use as a foreskin at a Jewish Barmitzvah. If you have the misfortune to see Dappy interviewed on TV, you will wonder how he manages to dress himself in the morning.
160. Jo Brand. There are only so many times you can recycle the same jokes about being fat, eating cakes and aren't men awful, before you cease to be funny. I like you Ms. Brand, but for fucks sake develop some new material. All you are doing at the moment is irritating people with the same, tired old routines.
142. Glossy screens on laptops. I appreciate that it makes the colours look richer and deeper when laptops are on display in shops. What it looks like in bright sunlight or strong artificial lighting is a different matter, where it turns into a mirror. As I will never actually be using my laptop in Curry's or PC World, can you please stop fitting glossy screens and go back to the matt ones.
143. American remakes of British TV shows. Top Gear, The Office, Fawlty Towers. You managed to wreck them all. You even removed the Basil Fawlty character from Fawlty Towers for fucks sake. You are cretins and the people that watch these remakes are cretins too.
144. Donald Trump. That wig is fooling nobody. It looks like someone sellotaped a cat to your head. Get a grip.
145. Chris Moyles. You are without doubt one of the funniest men in the universe. But not in a comedic sense. Please also explain the purpose of your sidekick "Comedy Dave". I can only assume that his moniker is some attempt at satire or irony, as he is one of the dullest individuals on the planet.
146. People dressing cats and dogs up in clothes. It's not in the least bit amusing. No, not even the ones with Yoda ears on them. Please stop it.
147. Parents who think their children are unique and special. You just have kids that are the same as everyone else's kids. Get over it.
148. Men drinking WKD. This is not a drink for heterosexual men. Stop standing about drinking it and trying to look cool. You just look effeminate.
149. People riding pushbikes in the dark with no lights on them. It's your own fault if someone runs you over and kills you. Buy some fucking lights.
150. Budweiser (the American one, not the Czech Budvar). A horrendous "beer" that seems to have been brewed from sugar and cat vomit.
151. Gym nutters. I appreciate that you view the rest of us with contempt, that don't "work out" 5 nights a week. This may shock you, but some of us prefer to relax with a book, or go out for meals, or visit the cinema or have friends round for a BBQ etc. and the fact that we don't organise our lives around doing the right amount of "reps" at a certain time of day, and quaffing protein shakes, does not make us lesser human beings.
152. Health Food Shops. I can buy most of the things that you sell that are of any use, at half the price from either supermarkets or online. You serve no useful purpose other than to take money off mugs who think eating 4oz of alfalfa sprouts and taking a dose of St. Johns Wort every day, is going to make them live till they are 105.
153. Glastonbury Festival. What happened to you ? You used to be a place of great music and a free and easy atmosphere where people could chill out with their fellow human beings and regain their faith in man's ability to be nice to each other. Now you are all fences and security and shit music and drunken fights.
154. American gun culture. I understand that the American constitution gives you the right to bear arms. This does not translate into the right to buy an AK47 and gun down your neighbours because you had a bad day. The Canadians manage to have similar gun laws and yet not kill each other, can you please follow their example. A more sane view might even be to ask the question why civilians need to be armed with guns at all.
155. People who mug old ladies. Yes, you have no money, I understand you have no opportunity, I appreciate that you grew up in a dysfunctional family. Hitting old ladies over the head and taking their pensions however, should result in you being given a term in prison and not a community service order or suspended sentence.
156. People who swim with sharks. It's your own fault if you get eaten. I have not an ounce of sympathy. If we were meant to be in the water with dangerous creatures we would have gills and fins and not legs and lungs. Don't go round shooting the sharks if they have been eating people. Tell the stupid fuckers who are swimming with sharks, to get out of the water, or if they choose to stay and then get eaten, then it's just tough shit.
157. Women with cold feet and arse's. I can only presume you refrigerate your extremities before climbing into bed. That is the only rational explanation for the temperature of some of your body parts in a normally warm house. Failing that, go and see the Doctor and get your circulation checked. Whatever the cause, the answer is not trying to raise the temperature of your sub-zero body parts, by putting them on my naked spine.
158. Airport car park charges. Go out on a morning flight and come back on an evening one on the same day and if you are expecting the car park fees to be reasonable, even in the short stay car park for just one day, then prepare to faint. Nearly £40 for one day in the short stay ? I did not realise I was paying for someone to stand by my car and guard it all day. Bloody ridiculous prices.
159. Dappy from N-Dubz (thank you Michael) This person is of direct simian descent as far as I can tell. His inability to speak in coherent English, and his height and physical form would lead me to believe he may even be the missing link. As an allegory, he and his band are about as much use as a foreskin at a Jewish Barmitzvah. If you have the misfortune to see Dappy interviewed on TV, you will wonder how he manages to dress himself in the morning.
160. Jo Brand. There are only so many times you can recycle the same jokes about being fat, eating cakes and aren't men awful, before you cease to be funny. I like you Ms. Brand, but for fucks sake develop some new material. All you are doing at the moment is irritating people with the same, tired old routines.
121. Star Wars Episodes 1,2 & 3. George Lucas, what were you thinking. Shame on you.
122. George Bush and his Dad. I don't believe I need to expand on this.
123. American Foreign Policy. You arm the world and then complain when people start wars. In between you invading other countries for your own financial and economic gain of course. You also lecture the world on human rights issues, when you are the only Western democracy to have internment without trial (Guantanemo) and the death penalty, and are the only country to have ever used nuclear weapons at a time of war. Look up the word hypocrite.
124. Able bodied people using disabled parking spots so that they can get nearer the shops. You will actually need a disabled sticker for your car, if I catch you doing this.
125. The Olympic Games. A colossal waste of money that affects nobody living outside of East London. Money that could have been better spent on improving housing, or providing other more meaningful social benefits.
126. Patriotism. What you actually mean, is racism and bigotry that you are trying to dress up in respectable clothing.
127. BBC Radio 1. This radio station is incomprehensible to anyone aged over 25. Particularly in the evening. I regard myself as having fairly eclectic musical tastes, that even embrace some modern forms of dance music (Psy and Goa Trance) and still I find Radio 1 beyond my ability to understand it. It might as well be transmitting in Martian. Indeed, perhaps it is ?
128. Charging sockets on mobile phones. For fucks sake, can't you all just use micro-usb and be done with it ? And you, Apple, don't even get me started with your stupid socket.
129. Lady Gaga. You are not anywhere near as talented as you think you are, and prancing about in bizarre frocks, doesn't make you more talented.
130. Linux nerds. Microsoft is not run by Satan. Operating systems that are not Linux are not inherently evil. There is no plan by the illuminati or the NWO, to crush Linux. Wearing sandals to go with your beards is expected of you, but even you must realise it is not socially acceptable. Please go outdoors and make real life friends.
131. Trainspotters. I accept that what you do harms nobody, however, I would suggest you get yourself tested to see where you score on the autistic spectrum. Trainspotting is not the behaviour of a normal person.
132. Alien deniers. You accept there is life on this planet, indeed it is self evident that there is, yet you cannot accept that there is life on other planets. Your views are beyond irrational and illogical, they are the views of a nutter.
133. Anti-abortionists. I understand that you feel passionately about life. This does not give you the right to assault people, send death threats to doctors and burn down abortion clinics.
134. Piers Morgan. You are a total and utter cock, and I doubt even your own mother loves you. We are all grateful you are in America and that we see less of you.
135. Pre-packed sandwiches. I know the manufacturers of these think they are being clever in piling the fillings in the middle so that the sandwiches appear more full than they actually are, when they are cut and on display. I am wise to your cheapskate antics however, and I get my sandwiches made at a deli, in front of my eyes, if I am not making them myself.
136. Media spin just for the sake of making a headline. Not all Scout Leaders and Priests are paedophiles. Not all black people are criminals. People under the age of 20 are not all delinquents. Public floggings are not the answer to rectifying societies ills
137. The BNP. There is no excuse for you. None. You are tolerated, because in a democracy, everyone has the right to free speech. Don't let that fact make you believe your views are accepted. They are not. You are an abhorrent and disgusting minority, and you are a waste of the planets resources. If you are serious about wanting to serve your community, the best way you could do that, is by being six foot under the ground.
138. Internet spammers. I am not interested in your cheap viagra that has been made god knows where and contains nothing other than blue dyed talcum powder. I am also not interested in the opportunity you are giving me to become a millionaire if only I will help a Nigerian King transfer some funds out of the country. If I knew where you people actually were, I would find you and chop off your hands with a machete. As with all men, I might possibly be interested in increasing the size of my penis, but I am 100% positive that nothing you are offering me will assist with that.
139. Katie Price and Jodie Marsh. You are vile specimens of womanhood with no redeeming qualities. Your ability to treat your relationships with those around you, as nothing more than media opportunities, is disgusting. You have an opportunity to be role models for women, yet you squander this and instead just promote garish and disgraceful public displays as the way to behave.
140. People buying pedigree dogs. Not only are you promoting interbreeding and all the medical issues that dogs suffer as a result of that, but your need to be seen with the "right dog" to improve your self esteem and massage your ego's, is causing thousands of non-pedigree dogs to have to be put down each year. Wise up and stop buying handbag sized Chihuaha's, and rescue a dog from the dogs home instead.
122. George Bush and his Dad. I don't believe I need to expand on this.
123. American Foreign Policy. You arm the world and then complain when people start wars. In between you invading other countries for your own financial and economic gain of course. You also lecture the world on human rights issues, when you are the only Western democracy to have internment without trial (Guantanemo) and the death penalty, and are the only country to have ever used nuclear weapons at a time of war. Look up the word hypocrite.
124. Able bodied people using disabled parking spots so that they can get nearer the shops. You will actually need a disabled sticker for your car, if I catch you doing this.
125. The Olympic Games. A colossal waste of money that affects nobody living outside of East London. Money that could have been better spent on improving housing, or providing other more meaningful social benefits.
126. Patriotism. What you actually mean, is racism and bigotry that you are trying to dress up in respectable clothing.
127. BBC Radio 1. This radio station is incomprehensible to anyone aged over 25. Particularly in the evening. I regard myself as having fairly eclectic musical tastes, that even embrace some modern forms of dance music (Psy and Goa Trance) and still I find Radio 1 beyond my ability to understand it. It might as well be transmitting in Martian. Indeed, perhaps it is ?
128. Charging sockets on mobile phones. For fucks sake, can't you all just use micro-usb and be done with it ? And you, Apple, don't even get me started with your stupid socket.
129. Lady Gaga. You are not anywhere near as talented as you think you are, and prancing about in bizarre frocks, doesn't make you more talented.
130. Linux nerds. Microsoft is not run by Satan. Operating systems that are not Linux are not inherently evil. There is no plan by the illuminati or the NWO, to crush Linux. Wearing sandals to go with your beards is expected of you, but even you must realise it is not socially acceptable. Please go outdoors and make real life friends.
131. Trainspotters. I accept that what you do harms nobody, however, I would suggest you get yourself tested to see where you score on the autistic spectrum. Trainspotting is not the behaviour of a normal person.
132. Alien deniers. You accept there is life on this planet, indeed it is self evident that there is, yet you cannot accept that there is life on other planets. Your views are beyond irrational and illogical, they are the views of a nutter.
133. Anti-abortionists. I understand that you feel passionately about life. This does not give you the right to assault people, send death threats to doctors and burn down abortion clinics.
134. Piers Morgan. You are a total and utter cock, and I doubt even your own mother loves you. We are all grateful you are in America and that we see less of you.
135. Pre-packed sandwiches. I know the manufacturers of these think they are being clever in piling the fillings in the middle so that the sandwiches appear more full than they actually are, when they are cut and on display. I am wise to your cheapskate antics however, and I get my sandwiches made at a deli, in front of my eyes, if I am not making them myself.
136. Media spin just for the sake of making a headline. Not all Scout Leaders and Priests are paedophiles. Not all black people are criminals. People under the age of 20 are not all delinquents. Public floggings are not the answer to rectifying societies ills
137. The BNP. There is no excuse for you. None. You are tolerated, because in a democracy, everyone has the right to free speech. Don't let that fact make you believe your views are accepted. They are not. You are an abhorrent and disgusting minority, and you are a waste of the planets resources. If you are serious about wanting to serve your community, the best way you could do that, is by being six foot under the ground.
138. Internet spammers. I am not interested in your cheap viagra that has been made god knows where and contains nothing other than blue dyed talcum powder. I am also not interested in the opportunity you are giving me to become a millionaire if only I will help a Nigerian King transfer some funds out of the country. If I knew where you people actually were, I would find you and chop off your hands with a machete. As with all men, I might possibly be interested in increasing the size of my penis, but I am 100% positive that nothing you are offering me will assist with that.
139. Katie Price and Jodie Marsh. You are vile specimens of womanhood with no redeeming qualities. Your ability to treat your relationships with those around you, as nothing more than media opportunities, is disgusting. You have an opportunity to be role models for women, yet you squander this and instead just promote garish and disgraceful public displays as the way to behave.
140. People buying pedigree dogs. Not only are you promoting interbreeding and all the medical issues that dogs suffer as a result of that, but your need to be seen with the "right dog" to improve your self esteem and massage your ego's, is causing thousands of non-pedigree dogs to have to be put down each year. Wise up and stop buying handbag sized Chihuaha's, and rescue a dog from the dogs home instead.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
101. Sky TV. A method of making Rupert Murdoch rich and giving you 500 channels of shit where you still can't find anything to watch
102. Wedding Planners. Allegedly exist to take away all the stress of organising your wedding. In reality, they employ all their mates for backhanders, ask you all the questions that those people would have asked you anyway, and then present you with a £5k bill for doing next to fuck all
103. Celebrity Chef restaurants. Want to eat in one ? well, you can wait six months for a table, get charged an extortionate amount for an average meal that has been cooked by a trainee chef, and all the while enjoy poor service from waiting staff that like you to feel they are doing you a favour by even speaking to you
104. Rangers and Celtic. Sectarian bigotry, thinly veiled by a mask of football. I don't think I am alone in wishing Celtic had gone bankrupt as well as Rangers.
105. Doorstep evangelists. In the unlikely event I suddenly wake up one morning and decide I need a religion, I will go and find one. I don't need you knocking my door at the weekend to talk to me about your imaginary friends. Please don't be offended if I tell you to fuck off, seemingly it is the only language that you understand.
106. Ikea. I admire your efforts in providing me with a laid out path that is supposed to guide me past every item in your store. I am sure you won't mind if I see this as if it were a maze challenge and I devise my own route through your store by climbing over your furniture and going straight to the item I intended to buy.
107. Gok Wan. You are an unbelievable tosser. Please go and live in a cave, for the good of all humanity
108. White socks. Unless you are playing sport at the time, there is no excuse for wearing them. Ever.
109. Lynx deodorant. Contrary to what the adverts might suggest, has yet to be developed with any fragrance that does not strip paint from walls and cause involuntary spasms in anyone that is within 25 metres of a person wearing it
110. Tesco's Finest. What am I supposed to infer from this ? That all the rest of your stuff is sub-standard ?
111. Paramilitary flags. They are illegal. Why aren't the police taking them down and arresting the people who put them up.
112. Traffic Police. Individuals chosen for their megalomaniacal and sociopathic traits and their ability to lecture others in a pompous and arrogant way for a minor speeding offence. And yet if I were to give one of them a smack in the mouth, somehow it would be me that was in the wrong, in this twisted society of ours.
113. Harley Davidson. Much as I love your work, the prices you charge for your agricultural machinery masquerading as motorbikes, are extortionate
114. French Mustard. What is the purpose of this flavourless, yellow paste ?
115. Bernie Ecclestone. Stop selling F1 rights to Sky. All you are doing is pissing me off. I will never be buying Sky to watch the races.
116. VAT on electronic books. Why do I have to pay this, yet not have to pay it on printed books ?
117. Tractors on main roads. I am aware through a farmer friend of mine, of the game you play where you see how many cars you can get lined up doing 10mph behind your tractor. What you are probably not aware of, is the game I play, where when you eventually turn off into your field, I turn off with you and stab you in the face.
118. WRX Subaru's and their owners. You are not a rally driver. I don't care about your special dump valve and enhanced turbo. All you are, is a little man, in a vulgar and tasteless car.
119. Flat caps. Unless you are over 70, or have a whippet and racing pigeons, this is not a permissible item of headwear.
120. The World Cup. A pointless football competition that is largely an exercise in seeing how many minutes can pass from the start of the World Cup before someone mentions 1966. There is a reason England hasn't won it since 1966 and that reason is that they are not good enough. Accept this and move on, or just turn the TV off.
102. Wedding Planners. Allegedly exist to take away all the stress of organising your wedding. In reality, they employ all their mates for backhanders, ask you all the questions that those people would have asked you anyway, and then present you with a £5k bill for doing next to fuck all
103. Celebrity Chef restaurants. Want to eat in one ? well, you can wait six months for a table, get charged an extortionate amount for an average meal that has been cooked by a trainee chef, and all the while enjoy poor service from waiting staff that like you to feel they are doing you a favour by even speaking to you
104. Rangers and Celtic. Sectarian bigotry, thinly veiled by a mask of football. I don't think I am alone in wishing Celtic had gone bankrupt as well as Rangers.
105. Doorstep evangelists. In the unlikely event I suddenly wake up one morning and decide I need a religion, I will go and find one. I don't need you knocking my door at the weekend to talk to me about your imaginary friends. Please don't be offended if I tell you to fuck off, seemingly it is the only language that you understand.
106. Ikea. I admire your efforts in providing me with a laid out path that is supposed to guide me past every item in your store. I am sure you won't mind if I see this as if it were a maze challenge and I devise my own route through your store by climbing over your furniture and going straight to the item I intended to buy.
107. Gok Wan. You are an unbelievable tosser. Please go and live in a cave, for the good of all humanity
108. White socks. Unless you are playing sport at the time, there is no excuse for wearing them. Ever.
109. Lynx deodorant. Contrary to what the adverts might suggest, has yet to be developed with any fragrance that does not strip paint from walls and cause involuntary spasms in anyone that is within 25 metres of a person wearing it
110. Tesco's Finest. What am I supposed to infer from this ? That all the rest of your stuff is sub-standard ?
111. Paramilitary flags. They are illegal. Why aren't the police taking them down and arresting the people who put them up.
112. Traffic Police. Individuals chosen for their megalomaniacal and sociopathic traits and their ability to lecture others in a pompous and arrogant way for a minor speeding offence. And yet if I were to give one of them a smack in the mouth, somehow it would be me that was in the wrong, in this twisted society of ours.
113. Harley Davidson. Much as I love your work, the prices you charge for your agricultural machinery masquerading as motorbikes, are extortionate
114. French Mustard. What is the purpose of this flavourless, yellow paste ?
115. Bernie Ecclestone. Stop selling F1 rights to Sky. All you are doing is pissing me off. I will never be buying Sky to watch the races.
116. VAT on electronic books. Why do I have to pay this, yet not have to pay it on printed books ?
117. Tractors on main roads. I am aware through a farmer friend of mine, of the game you play where you see how many cars you can get lined up doing 10mph behind your tractor. What you are probably not aware of, is the game I play, where when you eventually turn off into your field, I turn off with you and stab you in the face.
118. WRX Subaru's and their owners. You are not a rally driver. I don't care about your special dump valve and enhanced turbo. All you are, is a little man, in a vulgar and tasteless car.
119. Flat caps. Unless you are over 70, or have a whippet and racing pigeons, this is not a permissible item of headwear.
120. The World Cup. A pointless football competition that is largely an exercise in seeing how many minutes can pass from the start of the World Cup before someone mentions 1966. There is a reason England hasn't won it since 1966 and that reason is that they are not good enough. Accept this and move on, or just turn the TV off.
81.Tanning salons. Nobody gives a toss what colour your legs are. Good luck with the wrinkles and skin cancer in later life
82. Razor Blades. £18 for a pack of Gillette Fusion blades. What are they made from ? Solid gold ?
83. Jimmy Carr. Has a face like a 4 year old has moulded it from Playdough and he is allegedly a comedian. He's about as funny as discovering you have terminal cancer.
84. Rupert Murdoch. Been a cunt since he was born. There's no changing him now.
85. Unnecessary 4 x 4's. You do not need a Range Rover or an Audi Q7 to meet Celia for lunch or drop Tiffany at private school
86. Kelloggs All-Bran. Shredded cardboard designed to make you shit yourself thin while giving you an incredibly itchy arse at the same time
87. Ryanair. Such a poor quality and standard of air travel that you might just be better flapping your arms to get you to your destination. Certainly, you will be more comfortable that way.
88. Benidorm. My idea of the worst holiday destination ever. However, it is an eminently suitable place for Brits to go on holiday if they don't like foreigners, other cultures, or food that is not British.
89. Womens hairdressers. You charge how much for a haircut ? I think you are mistaken, that sounds like a price for a nice meal for two in a decent restaurant
90. Smart Cars. You know the ones. Those damned things that look like a normal car that has been in a crusher. Normally driven by people that would be better suited driving one of those electric buggies on the pavement.
91. Yo Sushi Restaurant chain. Putting a tiger prawn on top of a block of rice, does not make it Japanese food, even if you put it on a conveyor belt.
92. Airport Baggage Handlers. These guys are the people who even couriers reject as handling things too roughly. Rest assured that an airport baggage handler will steal anything valuable in your suitcase, before jumping up and down on your case to break anything remaining. I have had baggage handlers successfully wreck an aluminium case that had re-enforced sides and hinges.
93. Dublin. Most expensive place in Europe to spend a night. Why their economy is screwed is anyones guess, when a night out there as a tourist, will leave you needing to re-mortgage your house
94. Scooters. No, not the kids ones. I mean those 50cc fartboxes that 17 year olds ride round on wearing shorts and a t-shirt and a £25 helmet. Is it wrong of me to smile as I imagine the hospital picking gravel out of their bones ?
95. The London Underground. A hellhole which gives you a very precise idea of what a post-apocalyptic world populated by drooling, mindless zombies would be like.
96. Subway. It's the same price for a cheese Sub as it is for one with 15 toppings. How does that work ?
97. Speedos. There is no excuse for them. Ever.
98. Wonderbra's. It's cheating and ultimately dissappoints everyone involved. Stop wearing them.
99. Trainers costing £150. They are still made in Bangladesh with 1 dollars worth of materials and 2 rupees worth of labour. Smile and jog with a free conscience before you go to the office, eh ?
100. White people, rapping. Please stop it. I don't care if you think that Manchester is the same as growing up in the hood. It isn't.
82. Razor Blades. £18 for a pack of Gillette Fusion blades. What are they made from ? Solid gold ?
83. Jimmy Carr. Has a face like a 4 year old has moulded it from Playdough and he is allegedly a comedian. He's about as funny as discovering you have terminal cancer.
84. Rupert Murdoch. Been a cunt since he was born. There's no changing him now.
85. Unnecessary 4 x 4's. You do not need a Range Rover or an Audi Q7 to meet Celia for lunch or drop Tiffany at private school
86. Kelloggs All-Bran. Shredded cardboard designed to make you shit yourself thin while giving you an incredibly itchy arse at the same time
87. Ryanair. Such a poor quality and standard of air travel that you might just be better flapping your arms to get you to your destination. Certainly, you will be more comfortable that way.
88. Benidorm. My idea of the worst holiday destination ever. However, it is an eminently suitable place for Brits to go on holiday if they don't like foreigners, other cultures, or food that is not British.
89. Womens hairdressers. You charge how much for a haircut ? I think you are mistaken, that sounds like a price for a nice meal for two in a decent restaurant
90. Smart Cars. You know the ones. Those damned things that look like a normal car that has been in a crusher. Normally driven by people that would be better suited driving one of those electric buggies on the pavement.
91. Yo Sushi Restaurant chain. Putting a tiger prawn on top of a block of rice, does not make it Japanese food, even if you put it on a conveyor belt.
92. Airport Baggage Handlers. These guys are the people who even couriers reject as handling things too roughly. Rest assured that an airport baggage handler will steal anything valuable in your suitcase, before jumping up and down on your case to break anything remaining. I have had baggage handlers successfully wreck an aluminium case that had re-enforced sides and hinges.
93. Dublin. Most expensive place in Europe to spend a night. Why their economy is screwed is anyones guess, when a night out there as a tourist, will leave you needing to re-mortgage your house
94. Scooters. No, not the kids ones. I mean those 50cc fartboxes that 17 year olds ride round on wearing shorts and a t-shirt and a £25 helmet. Is it wrong of me to smile as I imagine the hospital picking gravel out of their bones ?
95. The London Underground. A hellhole which gives you a very precise idea of what a post-apocalyptic world populated by drooling, mindless zombies would be like.
96. Subway. It's the same price for a cheese Sub as it is for one with 15 toppings. How does that work ?
97. Speedos. There is no excuse for them. Ever.
98. Wonderbra's. It's cheating and ultimately dissappoints everyone involved. Stop wearing them.
99. Trainers costing £150. They are still made in Bangladesh with 1 dollars worth of materials and 2 rupees worth of labour. Smile and jog with a free conscience before you go to the office, eh ?
100. White people, rapping. Please stop it. I don't care if you think that Manchester is the same as growing up in the hood. It isn't.
61. Chocolate bar manufacturers. Don't think we haven't noticed you reducing the size but charging the same price.
62. Innocent Smoothies. Don't think we didn't notice you bringing in the 750ml size cartons and then phasing the 1 litre cartons out while charging the same price for the 750ml cartons as you did the 1 litre ones.
63. The Anti-Smoking lobby. Shut the fuck up with your misinformation about the terrible burden smokers are placing on the UK. Smokers contribute £11 billion in tax every year from tobacco, and smoking related illness costs the NHS £4 billion a year. That means smokers are paying not only for their own healthcare, but contributing an additional £7 billion to everyone else's healthcare too
64. Car Insurance. Will all you wankers stop making false whiplash claims every time you scrape the paint off your bumper. All it does, is put my premium up every year
65. Call centres. If in your infinite wisdom as a business, you have decided to outsource your call centres, can you please ensure the staff can speak a level of English that is at least comprehensible to the average person without requiring the listener to be fluent in ethnic grunting
66. Opticians. Please explain to me why I am paying several hundred pounds for a bit of bent wire and some plastic.
67. People complaining about petrol prices, that are driving a Porsche Cayenne.
68. BMW drivers. You do not own all roads and highways for your personal and exclusive use.
69. People going up mountains in shorts and sandals. I would suggest Mountain Rescue teams just leave them there
70. Dogs as status symbols. Living on a council estate and owning a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, does not make you an interesting and intelligent person that is respected by the community.
71. Dog shit on footpaths. Pick it up you dirty bastards, unless you don't mind me straining one out through your letterbox.
72. The X Factor and Britains Got Talent. It used to be acceptable in Victorian society to pay 1p to go and see people in the madhouse and laugh at them. I thought society had developed since then, but the participants and audiences for TV talent shows, seem to suggest otherwise.
73. Facebook Narcissists. If your entire photo collection on Facebook consists of pictures you have taken of yourself in a mirror, then you should seek professional help. Again, you know who you are.
74. Keyboard Warriors. Your ability to be vile and insulting to others from behind your computer screen in the safety of your own home, is not a measure of how tough you are or your elevated status in life. Indeed in most cases it will be a measure of precisely the opposite.
75. Skinny people with no manners. No, it is not OK to pass comment on people being fat/overweight, unless you think it is also OK if they tell you that you look like an anorexic, dying fuck that wouldn't know a good time if it gave you one from behind.
76. Fake cream. Please stop putting this in cakes/buns. It catches out people who haven't read the packaging properly and then end up with a mouthful of what tastes like sweetened, liquid plastic
77. Vegans. Check your teeth. They are those of an omnivore, not a herbivore.
78. Wine prices in restaurants. I can buy the same bottle from the off licence for £7, that you are trying to sell me for £27. You are taking the piss.
79. Harp Lager. There is no excuse for "brewing" this sorry mistake of a beverage. And by "brewing", I suspect that they actually mean, "collect camels piss in buckets"
80. Mobile phone operators offering "unlimited data" tarriffs, where their definition of unlimited turns out to be a paltry 500Mb. I don't care whether the ASA did find you not guilty of false advertising. It is false advertising by any common understanding of what "unlimited" means.
62. Innocent Smoothies. Don't think we didn't notice you bringing in the 750ml size cartons and then phasing the 1 litre cartons out while charging the same price for the 750ml cartons as you did the 1 litre ones.
63. The Anti-Smoking lobby. Shut the fuck up with your misinformation about the terrible burden smokers are placing on the UK. Smokers contribute £11 billion in tax every year from tobacco, and smoking related illness costs the NHS £4 billion a year. That means smokers are paying not only for their own healthcare, but contributing an additional £7 billion to everyone else's healthcare too
64. Car Insurance. Will all you wankers stop making false whiplash claims every time you scrape the paint off your bumper. All it does, is put my premium up every year
65. Call centres. If in your infinite wisdom as a business, you have decided to outsource your call centres, can you please ensure the staff can speak a level of English that is at least comprehensible to the average person without requiring the listener to be fluent in ethnic grunting
66. Opticians. Please explain to me why I am paying several hundred pounds for a bit of bent wire and some plastic.
67. People complaining about petrol prices, that are driving a Porsche Cayenne.
68. BMW drivers. You do not own all roads and highways for your personal and exclusive use.
69. People going up mountains in shorts and sandals. I would suggest Mountain Rescue teams just leave them there
70. Dogs as status symbols. Living on a council estate and owning a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, does not make you an interesting and intelligent person that is respected by the community.
71. Dog shit on footpaths. Pick it up you dirty bastards, unless you don't mind me straining one out through your letterbox.
72. The X Factor and Britains Got Talent. It used to be acceptable in Victorian society to pay 1p to go and see people in the madhouse and laugh at them. I thought society had developed since then, but the participants and audiences for TV talent shows, seem to suggest otherwise.
73. Facebook Narcissists. If your entire photo collection on Facebook consists of pictures you have taken of yourself in a mirror, then you should seek professional help. Again, you know who you are.
74. Keyboard Warriors. Your ability to be vile and insulting to others from behind your computer screen in the safety of your own home, is not a measure of how tough you are or your elevated status in life. Indeed in most cases it will be a measure of precisely the opposite.
75. Skinny people with no manners. No, it is not OK to pass comment on people being fat/overweight, unless you think it is also OK if they tell you that you look like an anorexic, dying fuck that wouldn't know a good time if it gave you one from behind.
76. Fake cream. Please stop putting this in cakes/buns. It catches out people who haven't read the packaging properly and then end up with a mouthful of what tastes like sweetened, liquid plastic
77. Vegans. Check your teeth. They are those of an omnivore, not a herbivore.
78. Wine prices in restaurants. I can buy the same bottle from the off licence for £7, that you are trying to sell me for £27. You are taking the piss.
79. Harp Lager. There is no excuse for "brewing" this sorry mistake of a beverage. And by "brewing", I suspect that they actually mean, "collect camels piss in buckets"
80. Mobile phone operators offering "unlimited data" tarriffs, where their definition of unlimited turns out to be a paltry 500Mb. I don't care whether the ASA did find you not guilty of false advertising. It is false advertising by any common understanding of what "unlimited" means.
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